大家帮忙修改一下作文呀 (9/339)

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楼主: 鱿鱼

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  很重要的

          Living in a big city or not

     Living in a big city or in the countryside is a controversial topic. Dissimilar people may have distinct choices. In my opinion, living in a big city is a better choice ,especially for people who are ambitious

 First of all, compare with people in the countryside, people living in big city lead a more comfortable life. The advancement of transportation makes travelling faster and easier. Also big city provides citizens with a perfect medical systems. In contrast,people in the countryside may not be able to get quick and high-quality medical service. Moreover people in big city have a access to various entertainmens. For instance ,they can have fun in cinemas,parks ,bars and swimming pools . Futhurmore ,there are many shopping malls in big city, so people can buy whatever they want.However people in the countryside do not have many choices about goods.

 Moreover, people in big city can get a better education. There are many excellent teachers in big cities and students in big city have the chance to use advanced teaching facilities. Futhurmore ,living in big city ,you have the chance to get to know different types of people and you are explosed to many new things. This will help you to open you r mind and help you adapt to the morden competitive society more quickly.

Besides ,people in big city are more likely to get a good job. The salaries in big city are much higher than countryside. In addition,there are more choices for job in big city. For example ,you will never want to become a estate agent in the countryside. Works in countryside is much more hard; you have to wake up early and work in the farm all day long if you are a farmer in the countryside. However in a big city ,you have a easier work if you are White Collar.

However ,some people may argue that people in coutryside can lead a more leisure life than people in the big city. To be honest ,people living in big city do have fast pace of life and some of them may be under pressure. But for people who are ambitious , life in the countryside is too boring and flat,and life in the big city is just what they want.

In conclusion,people in big city lead a more comfortable life and have a access to better education and better jobs than people in the countryside. Therefore living in big city is a better choices.
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1楼[楼主] 鱿鱼

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辛苦大家了 我们作文的原则是 Keep it simple and short
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2楼天晴

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有些词用的不够过于牵强。for instance ,"dissimiliar'can be replaced by 'different'.
另外我觉得句型可以多些变化,连词用得有些多而且硬。
呵呵,本人也是很喜欢英语,但水平有限,希望大家共同进步
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3楼有事,

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Dissimilar 换成different   medical systems换成medical conditions,,有内容重复,有点罗嗦..不过,从总体上看这篇作文不错,如果是25分满分,我打22分.. 以上纯属本人看发,不一定准确哈,!!!!
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4楼淡淡晨曦

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第二段的开头compare应该换作comparing。因为这里是用作状语。
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5楼④旪愺哋圉湢

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恩  4楼的观点我赞同》还有就是一篇文章尽量不要有太多的重复单词  比如choice可以用option
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6楼运生哥

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楼上的说得都很好,我这里有点补充:'Therefore living in big city is a better choices'
choices 应该没有s。
跟一楼的观点一样,连词用得太多反而显得生硬了,例如:第二段中间用了moreover 然后 第三段又用moreover, 感觉不好。
个人意见,见笑了
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7楼★☆深邃★☆

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如果连词重复使用多次,会让文章显得生硬,你可以用其他意思相近的词代替。如'however',你也可以用'but'或者'while'。它们都有然而的意思,你可以根据情况和它们的区别来使用。我个人认为把第四段的第四句话中的'long'去掉会更好一 点。我只是随便说说的哦!我觉得你的文章挺不错的,比我的就好很多。
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8楼★☆深邃★☆

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sorry,I just know 'long' should be used in that sentence .I'm very sorry!
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9楼伈伈

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太繁琐了!

三段最宜!
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